Things You Should Never Do at a Fancy Restaurant

Proper etiquette like many social norms and customs can be fairly subjective. Each culture or community has its own specific set of rules or customers that generally vary from society to society. These rules may constantly evolve, reflecting cultural changes and altered practical concerns. But one thing is certain – in many regions, there are things you should never do at a fancy restaurant.

Etiquette, or good manners, is a guideline for respectable and socially acceptable behavior that not everyone utilizes, but they should. Regardless of whether you frequent fancy restaurants or not, knowing how to behave in certain situations is important. Most people presumably know the basics: use your napkin, eat slowly, take normal bites, and most importantly, never talk with your mouth full.

The Emily Post Institute, a celebrated authority on etiquette, has published a list of the top 10 must-know table manners. Regardless of where you dine, from a picnic in the park to one of the best restaurants, these should be the rules no matter what. Not adhering to these simple rules of etiquette can ruin a memorable experience. (These are some dining-out etiquette rules that should come back.)

Not every restaurant has a dress code but just as you wouldn't wear an evening gown to the pool, there are certain things you shouldn't wear to dinner. Remember that you're in a nice place where people are probably paying a lot to dine and they might not think your dirty t-shirt or baggy shorts add to the experience.

A reservation is a kind of unwritten contract between you and the restaurant. If you can't keep your side of the bargain, let them know as soon as possible. It's considerate to the restaurant and others who might want the table. Some establishments even take a credit card to hold the place, and if you are a no-show, will charge your card a fee.

It may seem as if tables are randomly placed and anyone can serve you but restaurants have specific arrangements. Hosts juggle complicated seating plans based on servers' stations, special requests, and reservation timing, and to evenly distribute the workload for servers.

Wait to be seated, and if you don't like your table, ask to be moved. They'll usually accommodate you.

If you see an unfamiliar dish, whether it's listed in terms you don't understand or don't know what the item is, ask for an explanation. You'll be happier if you don't have to send something back because it isn't what you thought it was, and the kitchen will be too.

Restaurants take customer allergies very seriously, but allergies aren't the same as simple likes and dislikes. If you say "I don't like eggs," or have an intolerance but not an issue with cross-contamination, they'll make sure there are no eggs on the tasting menu.

If you say you're allergic to them, a busy kitchen might have to take extra time and trouble to ensure no egg has touched anything you're being served.

In restaurants with particularly creative chefs preparing highly original dishes, substitutions aren't possible. In more conventional places, it's usually fine to ask if you can have mashed instead of baked or ranch instead of blue cheese, but if customizing your order requires more than a couple of changes, you're probably eating in the wrong place.

If a wine you've ordered has strong off flavors or aromas or flavors – if, for instance, it's "corked" (having a moldy cardboard smell caused by a chemical called TCA) or tastes unpleasantly raisiny when it's supposed to be dry – the restaurant will happily replace it with another bottle.

Otherwise, you bought it, you own it. (Restaurants will sometimes replace it anyway to keep the diner happy, but it's their call.)

If everyone's food doesn't come out at the same time, the time differential will likely be a small one and chances are you won't starve to death if you wait until your tablemates are served. Unless your fellow diners tell you to go ahead and not wait for them, you should just wait until everyone has their meal.

Regardless of where you are, you should always taste your food before you season it. But if you're in a good restaurant, the chef probably knows how to season food. Try it first, then add the salt and pepper if you think it needs it.

You may be worried you'll ruin your dress or shirt but if you don't want to drip anything on your clothes, just lean over your plate a bit more. Grownups don't need bibs, unless, of course, you're at a seafood house whose staple is the lobster bib.

You wouldn't pour soy sauce over all your sushi at once or dip all those croutons in the fondue simultaneously. Just like you cut your food into bite-sized pieces to properly put them in your mouth, the same goes for bread. Proper etiquette is to tear off one bite-size piece of bread at a time and butter it (with the butter knife) just before you eat it.

If you want an item that is across the table, you should always ask for it to be passed over. In reaching for something across the table, you invade your companions' space and risk knocking over that bottle of red wine.

There are times at a restaurant when you'll share certain dishes, either between the two of you or with friends. Many dishes, even at fancy establishments, don't often have an even amount of items on "sharing plates," but that doesn't mean you get the extras. Be generous and ask if your companion wants it – or wants to split it.

Restaurants can be loud but you shouldn't try to overcome any noises by elevating yours too much. Chances are pretty good that the other diners in the restaurant have conversations of their own to conduct and probably don't want to be part of yours.

Use your indoor voice, even if you're dining on the patio. (If you're in a place with a very high noise level, of course, you'll have to speak louder but make sure you're not shouting.)

The old rule was that you should never talk about religion or politics at the table, and there are plenty of other potentially contentious subjects best avoided these days, too. People come to restaurants to relax and have a good time and to probably focus on the food. If you need to argue, take it outside, or even better, wait until you get home.

You may have something so exciting to share that you simply can't wait. But you should. Nobody wants to see your partially masticated charred rare ribeye or pad Thai, and they most likely won't understand what you're saying if you're talking through whatever it is you're chewing on.

There is a certain place for everything and the dinner table is not the place for make-up applications. This shouldn't need to be explained but if you need to put on make-up, go to the bathroom.

Getting food stuck in your teeth can be very annoying, but not as annoying as watching someone trying to pry it out. If you really need to get that food out of your teeth, excuse yourself and head to the restroom. You can check your makeup while you're there.

Yes, yes, we know. You need to be connected to your office/children/significant other almost constantly but a table at a nice restaurant isn't the place to do it. If someone calls you, don't answer (or answer and apologize for not being able to talk until later); and don't initiate a call unless it's an emergency. And no, no texting either.

There is never any excuse for treating your server, or anyone else for that matter, rudely. Being a server is often a tough job, with demanding hours and customers. You're not better than they are just because you're sitting at the table. Ask, don't demand. Be polite.

This should go without saying, but you should never touch another person unless they have permitted you to do so. Boundaries should be set with everyone, including your server. If you think he or she is flirting with you, remember this is more likely their way of dealing with all customers – and perhaps a technique to get a bigger tip – than an expression of burning desire.

These days, when two people go out together for personal reasons, on a date, or just as friends, it's common and perfectly acceptable to ask for two checks and split the bill down the middle (and don't even start on the itemizations like "You had the $25 fish, I only had the $19 chicken"). If you are in a large group, figure the bill out – split three ways, four ways – and then take it to the server.

There are guidelines for how much you should tip depending on where you are – dine-in, fast-food, bars – but none of them say that tipping should be based on a percentage of only the food cost, minus the sales tax. Don't nickel-and-dime your server.

Many times the drink bill is higher than the food bill, and they still work hard to fulfill your order. Tip accordingly on everything you ordered.

Some restaurants have started including service charges in the cost of their dishes so that servers can be guaranteed a fair working salary. In most places, though, the people who wait on your table work for far less than minimum wage, with the shortfall theoretically made up for by the gratuity.

Don't be a skinflint, even if you have complaints about the service. (If you have a truly bad experience with a server, leave a minimal tip – around 10% – and let the manager know.)

In Europe, and some high-end restaurants in the United States, your table is yours throughout the lunch or dinner period. The economics of most American restaurants, though, demands that they turn the tables at least once for each meal.

Once you've enjoyed your food and paid the check, it's time to go so that somebody else can enjoy the experience. If you want to keep talking, retire to the bar or lounge.