Having a rough day? Sometimes the best cure for a gloomy mood is a perfectly corny dad joke. Fathers, grandfathers, and uncles have been telling them for generations, and while they may not always bring side-splitting laughter, they almost always earn a smile or a groan.
Dad jokes cover just about every topic. There are animal puns, like sheep who drive cars or spiders that know everything because they live on the web. Sports fans get gems like the coach who went to the bank for his quarterback. Pop culture is fair game too, with jokes about stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Will Smith. And of course, plenty of food puns, including how banana splits are learned at sundae school.
To create this list of the 50 best dad jokes, 24/7 Tempo dug through sources like Reddit, Reader’s Digest, and Men’s Health, then sifted through comments to find hidden gems from readers. The result is a collection of classic groan-worthy favorites and new jokes you may not have heard before.
Sheep in Cars
Do you know what kind of car a sheep drives?
A Lamborghini.
Searching Spiders
Why are spiders so intelligent?
They can find everything on the web.
Crime at the Mall
Do you know what they would call you if you saw a crime at the Apple store?
They’d consider you an iWitness.
A Joke About Jokes
I thought I had a lot of jokes about retired people.
The problem is none of them work.
Housing Humor
What type of outfit does a house wear?
Address.
Political Comedy
Who were the greenest presidents in all of history?
The Bushes.
Fast Food Facts You Didn’t Know
Many people believe that french fries are cooked in France, but that’s a fallacy.
The truth is that they’re cooked in Greece.
Tom Hanks Would Like This One
Can you guess Forrest Gump’s password?
Don’t tell anyone, but it’s “1forrest1.”
Sports and Banking Go Hand in Hand
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To demand his quarterback.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
What do you call the Terminator once he retires?
The Exterminator.
The Dangers of Acting
Did you hear about the actress who broke her leg on stage?
It’s terrible, but don’t worry, she’s still in the cast.
Witches Going From Point A to B
What kind of noise does a witch’s car make?
Brrooooom, broooooom!
France and Insects Aren’t So Different
What do the Eiffel Tower and a small tick have in common?
They’re both Paris sights!
Scary News in the World of Education
Did you hear about that kidnapping at the local school?
Don’t worry, he woke up.
Musically Inclined in All the Ways
Can you play the piano by ear?
No, I play it with my hands.
Bathroom Music
What instrument will you find in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
Animal Engaged In Science
It’s interesting that dogs can’t perform MRIs.
But catscan.
Will Smith Fun
How do you follow sitcom and movie star Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
Tricky Wording
Which U.S. state has the most streets?
Rhode Island.
Another Rhode One
What is the only island you can drive your car to and survive?
Rhode Island.
Mean Poultry
How can you tell for sure that a chicken is evil?
If it lays deviled eggs.
NASA Comedy
What does an astronaut like the most about his computer?
The space bar.
House Humor (and not the last one)
Have you heard that joke about my roof?
Forget it. It’s over your head.
Fish Fun
Why are goldfish considered to be the most dangerous animal?
They live in a tank.
Danger at the Circus
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
Playing with Birds and Words
Do you know why we call birds that fly over the ocean seagulls?
Because if they were flying over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
The Holidays
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh on Christmas?
Nothing, it’s on the house.
Smart Dog Does Math
I asked my dog if he could tell me what’s two minus two.
He said nothing.
Sick Horse
What do you call a pony that has a sore throat?
A little hoarse.
Tasty Educational Joke
Where do the professionals learn to make banana splits?
Sundae school.
Computers Get Hungry Too
What’s a robot’s absolute favorite snack?
Computer chips.
Father Unlike Son
Son says, “Dad, can you put my shoes on?”
Dad answers, “No, I don’t believe they’ll fit me.”
Good Question
What did the veterinarian say to the cat?
Hi there. How are you feline?
Bikes Can’t Do Everything
Why couldn’t the bicycle manage to stand up on its own?
It was two tired.
A Very Intriguing Question
I wonder, if a kid refuses to sleep at nap time, does that mean they’re resisting a rest?
Daily Humor
Why are Saturday and Sunday the toughest days?
They aren’t weak days.
The Nose Knows
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
It would instead be a foot.
Penguin Housing
How would a penguin build his house so it lasts a long time?
Igloos it together.
Science Fun
I’ve been having a great time reading this book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!
Prison Problems
Did you hear that prisoners are now taking their own mug shots?
They’re called cellfies.
Space Food
You may not realize it but there’s a restaurant on the moon.
It provides great views but there’s no atmosphere.
Up to No Good
My friend says that he doesn’t trust stairs.
He said it’s because they’re always up to something.
An Oldie But Goodie
You know the easiest way to make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Head Scratcher
Many people tell me that age is just a number.
But that’s wrong – it’s a word.
Street Smart
I received a great compliment from someone for my parking today.
They liked it so much that they put a note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
One More About Driving
Do you know what happens to frogs if they park illegally?
They get toad.
Seems Obvious
Here’s a riddle:
Q: What sticky and brown?
A: A stick.
It’s the Right Thing to Do
I find that it’s only polite to knock on the refrigerator before opening it.
After all, you don’t want to walk in on a salad dressing.
To Each Their Own
It’s my opinion that women should stop having children after 35.
After all, 35 is already a lot of kids.
All About Celebrities
How do celebrities stay cool?
They have many fans!
The image featured at the top of this post is ©Anatoliy Karlyuk / Shutterstock.com.