Home

 › 

Entertainment

 › 

Movies

 › 

The Funniest Movie Lines Ever Written—and Delivered

The Funniest Movie Lines Ever Written—and Delivered

Published: by

Courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM)

"So you're telling me there's a chance…"

Source: Courtesy of New Line Cinema

"Did you just look at me? Did you? Look at me! Look at me! How dare you? Close your eyes!"

Source: Courtesy of Fox Searchlight Pictures

"You sit on a throne of lies."

Source: Courtesy of New Line Cinema

"There are only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. And the Dutch."

Source: Courtesy of New Line Cinema

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room!"

Source: Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

"I don't want to be rude, but may I have a drink? I had three or four before I got here, but they're beginning to wear off. And you know how that is."

Source: Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

"Bye, Felisha."

Source: Courtesy of New Line Cinema

"It's just a flesh wound."

Source: Courtesy of Cinema 5 Distributing

"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Source: Courtesy of Universal Pictures

"Ligers are pretty much my favorite animal."

Source: Courtesy of Fox Searchlight Pictures

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

Source: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

"Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first."

Source: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

"I love lamp."

Source: Courtesy of DreamWorks Distribution

"Oh, right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people… I've worn dresses with higher IQs."

Source: Courtesy of MGM/UA Distribution Company

"I know a little German. He's sitting over there."

Source: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

"If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer."

Source: Rich Fury / Getty Images

"Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life than being really, really… really ridiculously good-looking?"

Source: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler."

Source: Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

"You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring, no one listens to you."

Source: Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

Source: Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

"Ariel, you're under a lot of pressure down here."

Source: Courtesy of Buena Vista Pictures Distribution

"I like your outfit, too, except when I dress up as a frigid b**ch, I try not to look so constipated."

Source: Courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM)

"Is that your gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

Source: Courtesy of Crown International Pictures

"It's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."

Source: Courtesy of Warner Bros.

"Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again."

Source: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

"We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for…. One million dollars."

Source: Courtesy of New Line Cinema

"It's like I have ESPN or something."

Source: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

"Don't point that gun at him. He's an unpaid intern."

Source: Rich Fury / Getty Images

"Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice."

Source: Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

"You're killing me, Smalls."

Source: Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

"It's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy."

Source: Courtesy of Universal Pictures

"Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

Source: Phillip Faraone / Getty Images for Netflix

"I'm in a glass case of emotion!"

Source: Courtesy of DreamWorks Distribution

"So you're telling me there's a chance…"
"Did you just look at me? Did you? Look at me! Look at me! How dare you? Close your eyes!"
"You sit on a throne of lies."
"There are only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. And the Dutch."
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room!"
"I don't want to be rude, but may I have a drink? I had three or four before I got here, but they're beginning to wear off. And you know how that is."
"Bye, Felisha."
"It's just a flesh wound."
"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
"Ligers are pretty much my favorite animal."
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."
"Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first."
"I love lamp."
"Oh, right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people… I've worn dresses with higher IQs."
"I know a little German. He's sitting over there."
"If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer."
"Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life than being really, really… really ridiculously good-looking?"
"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler."
"You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring, no one listens to you."
"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
"Ariel, you're under a lot of pressure down here."
"I like your outfit, too, except when I dress up as a frigid b**ch, I try not to look so constipated."
"Is that your gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
"It's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."
"Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again."
"We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for…. One million dollars."
"It's like I have ESPN or something."
"Don't point that gun at him. He's an unpaid intern."
"Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice."
"You're killing me, Smalls."
"It's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy."
"Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
"I'm in a glass case of emotion!"

Comedy movies are littered with hilarity, taking you along a journey of endorphin release. Some of these films are strictly meant to be comedic and the journey is silly and light-hearted through and through. Movies like "Dumb and Dumber" (1994), "Napoleon Dynamite" (2004) and "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" (2004) contain some of the most ridiculously humorous lines, while films like "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975) tickle your funny bone with British humor. 

Other comedies meld with different themes, including thrillers, adventures and musicals. Well-timed comedic input transforms films, drawing you in further with each scene. Movies like the comedy/thriller "The Favourite" (2018), the comedy/war film "Dr. Strangelove" (1964) and the comedy/romance "The Awful Truth" (1937) offer a cinematic escape along parallel journeys. Sometimes you're on the edge of your seat, sometimes you feel your heart swell, and sometimes you laugh. 

Even fun, family/fantasy movies like "The Little Mermaid" have sprinkles of comedy, adding to the vibrant personalities of the animated characters. You probably know some movie lines in this list by heart and can recite them in the character's cadence as if you had been cast for the role yourself. You can picture the scene in which the words were spoken perfectly, almost like there was a lit movie screen ahead of you. Context is crucial in some of these and if you're not familiar with the film, it may go over your head. But some of these lines are stand-alone funny, and you get the joke even without the context. Don't be surprised if you get a sudden urge to watch (or re-watch) some of these favorites after reading through. 

To put this list of the funniest movie lines ever written together, 247 Tempo reviewed opinion-based sites like Reddit, where those who appreciate film come together to share their favorite quotes and moments. We also reviewed IMDb, a trusted database, to confirm the characters, actors, and directors. (Also, read about the 50 greatest movie quotes of all time.)  

To top