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The Funniest Movie Lines Ever Written—and Delivered

Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde (2001)

The Funniest Movie Lines Ever Written—and Delivered

Comedy movies are littered with hilarity, taking you along a journey of endorphin release. Some of these films are strictly meant to be comedic and the journey is silly and light-hearted through and through. Movies like “Dumb and Dumber” (1994), “Napoleon Dynamite” (2004) and “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” (2004) contain some of the most ridiculously humorous lines, while films like “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” (1975) tickle your funny bone with British humor. 

Other comedies meld with different themes, including thrillers, adventures and musicals. Well-timed comedic input transforms films, drawing you in further with each scene. Movies like the comedy/thriller “The Favourite” (2018), the comedy/war film “Dr. Strangelove” (1964) and the comedy/romance “The Awful Truth” (1937) offer a cinematic escape along parallel journeys. Sometimes you’re on the edge of your seat, sometimes you feel your heart swell, and sometimes you laugh. 

Even fun, family/fantasy movies like “The Little Mermaid” have sprinkles of comedy, adding to the vibrant personalities of the animated characters. You probably know some movie lines in this list by heart and can recite them in the character’s cadence as if you had been cast for the role yourself. You can picture the scene in which the words were spoken perfectly, almost like there was a lit movie screen ahead of you. Context is crucial in some of these and if you’re not familiar with the film, it may go over your head. But some of these lines are stand-alone funny, and you get the joke even without the context. Don’t be surprised if you get a sudden urge to watch (or re-watch) some of these favorites after reading through. 

To put this list of the funniest movie lines ever written together, 247 Tempo reviewed opinion-based sites like Reddit, where those who appreciate film come together to share their favorite quotes and moments. We also reviewed IMDb, a trusted database, to confirm the characters, actors, and directors. (Also, read about the 50 greatest movie quotes of all time.)  

“So you’re telling me there’s a chance…”

Courtesy of New Line Cinema
Lloyd Christmas was not to be discouraged in “Dumb and Dumber.”
  • Character: Lloyd Christmas
  • Played By: Jim Carrey
  • Movie: “Dumb and Dumber” (1994)
  • Director: Peter Farrelly

“Did you just look at me? Did you? Look at me! Look at me! How dare you? Close your eyes!”

Courtesy of Fox Searchlight Pictures
Olivia Colman perfectly portrayed Queen Anne.
  • Character: Queen Anne
  • Played By: Olivia Colman
  • Movie: “The Favourite” (2018)
  • Director: Yorgos Lanthimos

“You sit on a throne of lies.”

Courtesy of New Line Cinema
Many of Will Ferrell’s quotes in “Elf” could be included in this list of funniest movie lines.
  • Character: Buddy the Elf
  • Played By: Will Ferrell
  • Movie: “Elf” (2003)
  • Director: Jon Favreau

“There are only two things I can’t stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures. And the Dutch.”

Courtesy of New Line Cinema
Michael Caine tackled the role of Nigel Powers.
  • Character: Nigel Powers
  • Played By: Michael Caine, Scott Aukerman
  • Movie: “Goldmember” (2002)
  • Director: Jay Roach

“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room!”

Courtesy of Columbia Pictures
President Merkin Muffley means business in “Dr. Strangelove.”
  • Character: President Merkin Muffley
  • Played By: Peter Sellers
  • Movie: “Dr. Strangelove” (1964)
  • Director: Stanley Kubrick

“I don’t want to be rude, but may I have a drink? I had three or four before I got here, but they’re beginning to wear off. And you know how that is.”

Courtesy of Columbia Pictures
Lucy doesn’t want to lose her buzz in “The Awful Truth.”
  • Character: Lucy Warriner
  • Played By: Irene Dunne
  • Movie: “The Awful Truth” (1937)
  • Director: Leo McCarey

“Bye, Felisha.”

Courtesy of New Line Cinema
This line from “Friday” is one of the most quoted funny movie lines.
  • Character: Craig Jones
  • Played By: Ice Cube
  • Movie: “Friday” (1995)
  • Director: F. Gary Gray

“It’s just a flesh wound.”

Courtesy of Cinema 5 Distributing
Though we never see the Black Knight’s face, we can’t forget this iconic line.
  • Character: The Black Knight
  • Played By: John Cleese
  • Movie: “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” (1975)
  • Directors: Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones

“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Jim Downey delivers this line perfectly in “Billy Madison.”
  • Character: Principal
  • Played By: James Downey
  • Movie: “Billy Madison” (1995)
  • Director: Tamra Davis

“Ligers are pretty much my favorite animal.”

Courtesy of Fox Searchlight Pictures
Who could forget Napoleon Dynamite’s favorite animal?
  • Character: Napoleon Dynamite
  • Played By: Jon Heder
  • Movie: “Napoleon Dynamite” (2004)
  • Director: Jared Hess

“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”

Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
“Airplane!” has no shortage of silly lines.
  • Character: Steve McCroskey
  • Played By: Lloyd Bridges
  • Movie: “Airplane!” (1980)
  • Directors: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker

“Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.”

Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
Rufus T. Firefly asks the important questions in “Duck Soup.”
  • Character: Rufus T. Firefly
  • Played By: Groucho Marx
  • Movie: “Duck Soup” (1933)
  • Director: Leo McCarey

“I love lamp.”

Courtesy of DreamWorks Distribution
Brick Tamland loves lamp.
  • Character: Brick Tamland
  • Played By: Steve Carrell
  • Movie: “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” (2004)
  • Director: Adam McKay

“Oh, right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people… I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.”

Courtesy of MGM/UA Distribution Company
Wanda has plenty of sick burns in “A Fish Called Wanda.”
  • Character: Wanda
  • Played By: Jamie Lee Curtis
  • Movie: “A Fish Called Wanda” (1988)
  • Director: Charles Crichton

“I know a little German. He’s sitting over there.”

Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
This line from “Top Secret!” is sure to make you chuckle.
  • Character: Hillary Flammond
  • Played By: Lucy Gutteridge
  • Movie: “Top Secret!” (1984)
  • Directors: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker 

“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”

Rich Fury / Getty Images
Jim Carrey took on the titular role in “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.”
  • Character: Ace Ventura
  • Played By: Jim Carrey
  • Movie: “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” (1994)
  • Director: Tom Shadyac

“Did you ever think that maybe there’s more to life than being really, really… really ridiculously good-looking?”

Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
Ben Stiller’s performance as Derek Zoolander is one of the funniest in movie history.
  • Character: Derek Zoolander
  • Played By: Ben Stiller
  • Movie: “Zoolander” (2001)
  • Director: Ben Stiller

“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.”

Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox
“Office Space” satirizes typical late ’90s office life.
  • Character: Milton Waddams
  • Played By: Stephen Root
  • Movie: “Office Space” (1999)
  • Director: Mike Judge

“You ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring, no one listens to you.”

Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox
Albert Brooks makes a great antagonist in “The Simpsons Movie.”
  • Character: Russ Cargill
  • Played By: Albert Brooks
  • Movie: “The Simpsons Movie” (2007)
  • Director: David Silverman

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.”

Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox
Patches O’Houlihan had some unconventional methods in “Dodgeball.”
  • Character: Patches O’Houlihan
  • Played By: Rip Torn
  • Movie: “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story” (2004)
  • Director: Rawson Marshall Thurber

“Ariel, you’re under a lot of pressure down here.”

Courtesy of Buena Vista Pictures Distribution
Trust Sebastian to deliver an iconic, funny line.
  • Character: Sebastian
  • Played By: Samuel E. Wright
  • Movie: “The Little Mermaid” (1989)
  • Directors: Ron Clements, John Musker 

“I like your outfit, too, except when I dress up as a frigid b**ch, I try not to look so constipated.”

Courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM)
Elle Woods has the perfect comeback when her nemesis tries to humiliate her.
  • Character: Elle Woods
  • Played By: Reese Witherspoon
  • Movie: “Legally Blonde” (2001)
  • Director: Robert Luketic

“Is that your gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”

Courtesy of Crown International Pictures
This iconic line from Mae West has gone down in history.
  • Character: Marlo Manners
  • Played By: Mae West
  • Movie: “Sextette” (1977)
  • Director: Ken Hughes

“It’s not a man purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.”

Courtesy of Warner Bros.
Alan Garner defends his satchel in “The Hangover.”
  • Character: Alan Garner
  • Played By: Zach Galifianakis
  • Movie: “The Hangover” (2009)
  • Director: Todd Phillips

“Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again.”

Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
Morticia and Gomez are couple goals.
  • Character: Morticia Addams
  • Played By: Anjelica Huston
  • Movie: “The Addams Family” (1991)
  • Director: Barry Sonnenfeld

“We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for…. One million dollars.”

Courtesy of New Line Cinema
Dr. Evil never fails to make viewers laugh.
  • Character: Dr. Evil
  • Played By: Mike Myers
  • Movie: “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery” (1977)
  • Director: Jay Roach

“It’s like I have ESPN or something.”

Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
Karen Smith amazes viewers with her “fifth sense.”
  • Character: Karen Smith
  • Played By: Amanda Seyfried
  • Movie: “Mean Girls” (2004)
  • Director: Mark Waters

“Don’t point that gun at him. He’s an unpaid intern.”

Rich Fury / Getty Images
Bill Murray stars in “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.”
  • Character: Steve Zissou
  • Played By: Bill Murray
  • Movie: “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou” (2004)
  • Director: Wes Anderson

“Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice.”

Courtesy of Columbia Pictures
“When Harry Met Sally…” is a classic romantic comedy.
  • Character: Sally Albright
  • Played By: Meg Ryan
  • Movie: “When Harry Met Sally…” (1989)
  • Director: Rob Reiner

“You’re killing me, Smalls.”

Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox
You’ve probably heard this funny movie line quoted more than once.
  • Character: Ham Porter
  • Played By: Patrick Renna
  • Movie: “The Sandlot” (1993)
  • Director: David Mickey Evans

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen you look ugly. And that makes me kind of happy.”

Courtesy of Universal Pictures
Kristen Wiig is hilarious in “Bridesmaids.”
  • Character: Annie Walker
  • Played By: Kristen Wiig
  • Movie: “Bridesmaids” (2011)
  • Director: Paul Feig

“Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”

Phillip Faraone / Getty Images for Netflix
Cary Elwes plays the Dread Pirate Robers in “The Princess Bride.”
  • Character: The Dread Pirate Roberts
  • Played By: Cary Elwes
  • Movie: “The Princess Bride” (1987)
  • Director: Rob Reiner

“I’m in a glass case of emotion!”

Courtesy of DreamWorks Distribution
“Anchorman” is chock full of hilarious movie lines.
  • Character: Ron Burgundy
  • Played By: Will Ferrell
  • Movie: “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” (2004)
  • Director: Adam McKay
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