Newbies make mistakes. They’re not fun mistakes and you don’t have to make them when you’re out at a bar. There’s the fancy bar with a drink menu that makes it easy for you to enjoy specialty cocktails. Then there’s the dive bar which is its own experience but often doesn’t have a structured menu. In those cases, you settle for the simplest of drinks — or beer. But you love a good cocktail and unless you’re a bartender, you have no idea what’s going on behind the counter. So, do yourself a favor and know your drink order upfront.
Don’t labor the bartender with a “surprise me” drink. Nobody wants to surprise you. They don’t know your preferences. Do you want gin, vodka, whiskey, or tequila? Do you like a sour flavor, a sweet flavor, or something more herbaceous? Bartenders aren’t mind readers and they’re juggling multiple inebriated people at a time. If they make you something and you hate it, it’s a bummer all around. Instead, walk in confidently knowing which drinks to avoid in a bar and which drinks to order instead.
To put this together, 247 Tempo reviewed sites like Liquor.com for drink recipes, Reddit for uncensored opinions, and consulted with a bartender who has been in the industry for nearly 20 years. (Take a look at the 30 oldest beers in America.)
Drink to Avoid: Cement Mixer
This drink is most often a prank drink because of what happens when the ingredients combine. The flavor isn’t awful considering that cream and citrus blend well (like in key lime pie). The problem with the cement mixer is the texture. It calls for 1.5 ounces of Irish cream liqueur and lime juice. First, the bartender pours the Irish cream into a shot glass. Then, they add the lime juice. Instructions to drink it include shaking your head once you have the shot in your mouth. The combination causes curdling, which is supposed to mimic the texture of cement. What you’re left with is a cottage cheese-like consistency that’s hard to get down (and if you’ve already had a few drinks, it may cause it all to come right back up — which guarantees a ruined night).
Have This Instead: White Russian
Keep it simple with another drink like the White Russian. In this drink, you can enjoy a combination that’s creamy but doesn’t curdle at all. To make one, your bartender combines 2 ounces of vodka with 1 ounce of Kahlúa and 1 ounce of heavy cream on the rocks. It’s an indulgent drink that when served may make you think twice. You will see some questionable swirls as the cream sinks into the glass. But don’t be alarmed. Just stir it completely and watch how seamlessly the ingredients combine before you enjoy your first sip.
Drink to Avoid: Spicy Skinny Margarita
When asked about which drinks she hates to make, veteran bartender in Northern California, Daniell Beard, immediately said, “The spicy skinny margarita! Why would anyone want fire water?” And she has a point. This drink calls for 2 ounces of silver tequila, 1 tablespoon of orange juice, 3 tablespoons of lime juice, 1 teaspoon of agave syrup, and 3-4 jalapeno slices. Sure, it’s lower in calories than some other drink options at the bar, but can you imagine the internal belly burn? Or the burn that lingers on your lips, limiting your intimacy options at the end of the evening? Just skip this one.
Have This Instead: Tequila Shot
Stay on track with your daily caloric intake and enjoy the natural burn of a simple tequila shot. For this drink, you give your bartender the ability to move quickly, which is what their wages depend on. They serve you 1.5 ounces of tequila with a lime wedge and salt. You skip the frills and the added burn of jalapeno slices and can enjoy a tipsy evening without ruining all the work you put in earlier in the day to stay on track with your health goals.
Drink to Avoid: Appletini
This is the kind of drink you order when you’re new to the bar. Sure, the martini glass adds a bit of class but the glowing green color of the drink makes it look like a lava lamp. Which is equally juvenile. The recipe has some variations but generally, it calls for 1.5 ounces of vodka, 1.5 ounces of sour apple Schnapps, and half ounce of prepared sweet and sour mix. It’s kind of like a Jelly Rancher in terms of flavor, and if you have any experience at all, you know to avoid drinks that taste too sweet.
Have This Instead: Vodka Lemonade Spritzer
There are plenty of vodka spritzer variations, but the vodka lemonade spritzer is worth a try. The recipe is simple, with common bar ingredients so your bartender isn’t scrambling to find what they need (or turning down your drink order altogether). The recipe combines 4 ounces of Deep Eddy Lemon Vodka, 6 ounces of prosecco, and 6 ounces of lemonade. Your bartender starts with the vodka and lemonade and saves the prosecco for last. They give it a gentle stir and pour it over ice. What you’re left with is a light, refreshing, and delicious drink that’s just right for the spring and summer seasons (when you’re day drinking).
Drink to Avoid: Long Island Iced Tea
If you’ve ever had a drink sneak up on you, you know that feeling of instant regret that sets in. You’re having a good time, you’ve been sipping and enjoying good conversation, and suddenly you’re struggling — with everything (including walking). The Long Island iced tea is the kind of drink that takes you there, which is the place no one wants to be. The ingredients list alone should deter you. The drink combines 3/4 ounce of vodka, 3/4 ounce of white rum, 3/4 ounce of silver tequila, 3/4 ounce of gin, 3/4 ounce of triple sec, 3/4 ounce of simple syrup, 3/4 ounce of lemon juice, and a splash of cola. That’s way too much alcohol for a single drink.
Have This Instead: Sidecar
You can still live on the wild side and combine different types of alcohol in a single drink without overdoing it. Take the sidecar, for example. It combines 1.5 ounces of cognac, 3/4 ounce of orange liqueur, and 3/4 ounce of freshly squeezed lemon juice. Your bartender will appreciate that you didn’t order a drink with a forever list of ingredients, and you can enjoy the flavor of a refreshing cocktail without the regret that comes with the Long Island iced tea.
Drink to Avoid: Mojito
Yes, these are yummy. But here’s the deal — the bar you’re in may not even carry fresh mint. This drink combines 2 ounces of white rum, 1 ounce of fresh lime juice, 1/2 ounce of simple syrup, club soda, and 5 mint leaves. Knowing your surroundings when visiting bars is key when deciding what to order. A bartender can delight in serving this drink in a more upscale bar with specialty cocktails. But don’t expect an upscale drink at a dive bar. It’s the wrong drink for the atmosphere.
Have This Instead: Dark’n Stormy
You can enjoy a tasty drink at nearly any bar when it’s simple. The Dark’n Stormy combines 2 ounces of rum, 1/2 ounce of freshly squeezed lime juice, and about 5 ounces of ginger beer. A lime wheel is sometimes added as a garnish. The drink is sweet with a little bit of spice from the ginger. You also get a spritz of citrus in there to round it all out. The best part is your bartender will appreciate the simplicity of your order, which makes for a more pleasant experience at the bar.
Drink to Avoid: Piña Colada
Any frozen drink will cause most bartenders to roll their eyes. But again, some locations have these on the menu for a reason. They want you to enjoy it. But if you don’t see it on the menu or you’re not in the right type of bar, avoid ordering a piña colada. This drink has some variations but the simplest version calls for 1.5 ounces of light rum, 3 ounces of coconut cream, 6 ounces of pineapple juice, and 1-2 cups of crushed iced. Your bartender has to blend this up for you to get that frozen drink consistency and it probably won’t be delivered with a smile.
Have This Instead: Rum Punch
You can still enjoy a tropical drink at a bar without the shame that comes from the blaring sound of the blender. This drink combines 1.5 ounces of rum, 1.5 ounces of pineapple juice, 1.5 ounces of orange juice, 1.5 ounces of freshly squeezed lime juice, and a splash of grenadine. Served on ice, it’s a vacation in a glass (and your bartender will still have respect for you).
Drink to Avoid: Espresso Martini
Just like not all bars carry fresh mint, not all have espresso machines. If they do, bartenders have to whip it out, set it up, and then clean up the mess afterward. Some bartenders may purposely make you wait extra just for being annoying with your drink order. If you’re obsessed with giving the espresso martini a try, go to the right bar. Or make your own at home.
Have This Instead: Black Russian
Enjoy the coffee flavor you crave with a two-ingredient drink: the Black Russian. This cocktail calls for 2 ounces of vodka and 1 ounce of Kahlúa. It’s served over ice and it’s the kind of flavor you can savor. The flavor profile is complex and the preparation is ultra-simple. You won’t get the coffee bean garnish but you’ll get a delicious drink that gives you a sweet buzz.
Drink to Avoid: Flaming Shot
Maybe don’t play with fire when you’re not all there, right? A flaming shot may differ but one example compiles 1.5 ounces of vodka, a splash of lime, a splash of grenadine, and a splash of 151 proof rum. Your bartender makes sure to keep the rum from mixing with the rest of the ingredients, and then they light it. Your job is to blow out the flame before taking the shot. There’s no denying the cool optics but it’s just not a good idea, especially if you get extra bold when there’s liquid courage in your veins (and you want to try to drink it without blowing out the flame first). That’s danger-danger, stranger.
Have This Instead: Any Other Unlit Shot
If you want a shot, go for it. Just skip the flames.