Bars can be great places – friendly and welcoming (“Everybody knows your name”), a place to relax, spend time with friends, maybe catch a game on TV; a place where you might discover some delicious new cocktail or craft beer and have something fun to eat. Even if your beverage of choice is non-alcoholic (and assuming that proximity to drinkers won’t tempt you into crossing any lines), bars can be just the thing at the end of a long day.
But let’s be honest: Bars can also be hellholes, dirty and smelly, unfriendly, pouring meager drinks in glassware you feel you’d need a hazmat suit to touch…. Bars serve all kinds of clienteles and have all kinds of standards and there are plenty of watering holes that are best avoided by anyone just looking to have a good time and a pleasant tipple or two.
As with restaurants, sometimes you won’t realize that you’re in the wrong kind of place until you’ve settled in, but also as with restaurants, there are warning signs that should be apparent the moment you walk in the door or at least have a chance to look around.
With that in mind, based on years of personal observation as bar customers, 24/7 Tempo editors have assembled a list of 15 signs you’re in a bad bar – most of which you’ll notice very fast.
Cleanliness – or its lack – is a big issue, whether it’s the bar, the tables, the floor, or the restrooms. The bartender’s personality, or lack of same, can be a major problem, too. The best bartenders are many things – not just servers but also skilled drink creators, good listeners (with varying degrees of actual engagement), and advisors – sometimes on life itself, but certainly on what to drink. (Here are some iconic drinks from every state everyone should try.)
Lousy bartenders, on the other hand, serve you only begrudgingly, if they pay attention to you at all, and might well short you on alcohol and pad the check. Other things that can make the bar-going experience unpleasant have to do with the other patrons and with what might be termed noise pollution of various kinds. To avoid all these various kinds of unpleasantness, check out this list of the best bar in every state.
Of course if your drinking place of choice is a funky dive bar, you’ll probably want to ignore these warning signs and have a good time anyway.
Here are 15 signs you’re in a bad bar
1. The place is empty except for the bartender and one guy down at the end with his face in his beer mug
If you walk into a restaurant and there’s almost nobody there even though it’s prime dining time, chances are you’d walk right back out again. The same holds true for bars. If it’s empty or almost so and it’s the cocktail hour, there’s probably something wrong.
2. The bartender is texting and doesn’t look up when you sit down
This is a pretty good indication of the kind of service you – and all the other people in the bar – are going to get. Cellphones are addictive, but the bartender has a job to do, which should come first.
3. Everybody turns around and stares at you like you don’t belong there when you walk in
If you feel like you’re in a scene from an old Western where the room falls silent at the appearance of a stranger, you’re probably in a bar that’s there mostly for a group of regulars, and the regulars probably don’t want newcomers messing with the vibe. Try the place down the street
4. The floor is wet
Are those spilled drinks? A leak from behind the bar? Or something worse?
5. The floor is sticky and it’s only 5 p.m.
Drinks do get spilled, and clean-up at the end of the evening (or first thing in the morning) is never pleasant for the bar staff, but if your shoes stick to the floor before the evening really begins, that’s usually a sign that the folks who run the bar just don’t care about anything much.
6. The bar is sticky and it’s only 5 p.m.
See the above.
7. The bathrooms are filthy, with an overflowing paper towel bin and who knows what all over the floor
Bathrooms get dirty in the course of a day or an evening, which is why somebody should periodically check them, empty overflowing wastebaskets or bins, and do at least some cosmetic cleaning up – wiping down counters, etc. (If the bathrooms aren’t in decent shape, do you really want to trust what’s going on behind the bar?)
8. The music coming over the sound system is really, really loud
Music is a part of many bar-going experiences, whether it’s from a Spotify channel, a house playlist, an old-fashioned jukebox, or a live band – but conversation is presumably also part of why you go to bars, and if the sounds make it impossible to hear the person next to you, you’re losing out – and not doing your eardrums any favors.
9. The live band plays “Brown-Eyed Girl” and/or “Margaritaville,” off-key, and twice in one hour
Nobody expects to find Foo Fighters or Metallica playing at the corner bar, and some bar bands are pretty good. But some are also three-chord wonders who only know a dozen songs, if that, and don’t even do those very well. Is that really the soundtrack you want for your evening?
10. There are too many wide-screen TVs and it’s not a sports bar
Large TVs are often incredibly expensive on Amazon and some can go over src=
Large TVs are often incredibly expensive on Amazon and some can go over $1,000.
If you want to watch the game (or games), there are thousands of sports bars around the nation, and probably at least one near you. If you just want an after-work cocktail and a little time with friends (or a chance to meet new ones), do you really want Fox News and some screeching “Real Housewives” for company?
11. Drinks are served in plastic cups
Come on, you’re in a bar, not at the frat house. You have a right to expect decent (and appropriate) glassware for your drink. (One exception: Poolside bars quite rightly ban glass from the area – but the good ones have nice plastic substitutes.)
12. Drinks are served in chipped and/or dirty glassware
Chipped or cracked glasses are dangerous and should be tossed into the recycling bin. Dirty glasses are just…gross. A bar that serves your drink in either one is not a place you should be drinking.
13. The bartender has to look in a cocktail manual when you ask for a Martini or a Negroni
No bartender knows how to make every cocktail known to humankind, and most good bars do keep a manual handy to look up the more exotic orders (the kind, by the way, that you shouldn’t burden the bartender with if the place is busy). But if the drink-maker behind the bar doesn’t know the basics, don’t trust them and hit the road.
14. There’s a strong smell of disinfectant in the air
The strong smell of disinfectant in the air indicates that cleaning crews have likely been working hard to deeply sanitize the area, using concentrated commercial-grade disinfectants that leave behind a powerful odor as they kill germs and bacteria.
15. There’s a strong smell of something you wish was disinfectant in the air
We don’t need to be graphic here. If the bar smells of bodily fluids or has any other rank odor floating around, it is almost certainly not a place where you’d enjoy spending time.