Many of us love dining out and experiencing everything that goes with it – from the social aspect of being with our loved ones to being able to relax over a meal that you didn’t have to prepare. Often, we may visit a certain eatery frequently enough that it feels like our home away from home. But it is important to remember that it isn’t our home and there are certain social etiquettes that we all should adhere to.
When we dine out, we may go alone for a quiet night of solitude or we may be with friends, family, or our significant others but regardless of who we’re with – or not – we need to be mindful that we are also in a roomful of people. Because we’re sharing this setting with others, whether strangers or those we know well, we should do our best not to do anything that might diminish the experience of anyone else. (Here’s a look at the one can’t-miss restaurant in every state.)
Restaurant etiquette, or just plain good manners, is a set of (highly variable) rules and suggestions about how we should behave to bring the least offense to our fellow diners. While not every restaurant has set rules in place, when you eat out, you should hold yourself to certain standards that perhaps upscale restaurants employ. High-end steakhouses or temples of French or Italian gastronomy have their own sets of rules or customs that often do not all apply to more casual places.
It won’t bring much attention if you put your elbows on the table at Pizza Hut or Buffalo Wild Wings but should you do this at Eleven Madison Park, Per Se, or Le Bernardin, you’ll look out of place and perhaps even bring attention to yourself. (For comparison’s sake, these are 25 things you should never, ever do in a fancy restaurant.)
Certain kinds of behavior are inappropriate in any kind of eating place, no matter how informal, and most of them come down to simply being considerate of your fellow diners and the restaurant staff. 24/7 Tempo has assembled a list of what you should never do when you dine out, based on the podcast “Eating Out” — produced by Emily Post Etiquette, a celebrated authority on good manners — and also on common sense and editorial experience.
Our list may not be all-inclusive but it covers some of the most egregious kinds of behavior that restaurants on every level have endured. If you hope to leave a good impression and return to any dining establishment, you should probably follow these simple rules.
Here is a list of things you shouldn’t do when you go out to eat:
Dress like a slob
Sleeveless tank tops are rarely appropriate in a restaurant.
Certain areas have a more casual approach to dining. If you opt for a beach locale, many restaurants along the water are rather casual, allowing people to dine while wearing bathing suits. However, if you’re eating at an establishment with tables and chairs, you should show some respect and courtesy for other customers and dress a bit more modestly.
Seat yourself in a place with a host
Whether you are visiting a fancy restaurant or a casual diner, you generally need to be seated by the hostess. It’s their job to place customers in certain areas so that all servers get an equal chance at waiting on tables and receiving the tips that potentially accompany it. If you’re asked, by sign or verbally, to wait a moment, you should. If it’s a “Sit anywhere” kind of place, then feel free to perch wherever you want.
Arrive drunk
If you’ve had too much to drink, you should probably go home. You may need food after everything you have imbibed but if you can’t act normal, and are more than likely to make a spectacle of yourself by being extremely loud, knocking over a chair, or spilling your wine, just stop for fast food or head back to your place and boil some ramen.
Have one too many
When you dine out, you should do everything in moderation and that includes drinking. Some people arrive at restaurants in good shape but then have so many alcoholic beverages that they can hardly stand up when their meal is done. If you’re old enough to drink, you should be old enough to know when you’ve hit your limit.
Talk too loudly
We get it. You’re out with your friends, having a good time, and sometimes the volume tends to increase, especially if you’re enjoying yourself. But whatever you and your party may be talking about, or laughing about, not everybody in the restaurant wants to hear it.
Let your kids run wild
Adorable — until a server trips over him and drenches him with hot soup.
Children tend to get bored easily and often, they can be bursting with energy. They may want to run around and play and bother other patrons. Just like parents, people visit a restaurant to relax, and much like they wouldn’t want to listen to a rude adult, they would rather not listen to your child turn the dining room into a playground. Besides not doing any favors for the ambiance of a place, unruly kids can easily get hurt or pick up germs from dirty floors, and can potentially harm others by getting in the way.
Over-customize your order
We all do it – see something on the menu that we like but don’t want everything it comes with and ask for substitutions. These requests may range from no cheese, add avocado, dressing on the side, French fries instead of mashed, and no mayo on the sandwich. Small changes aren’t much of a bother, but if you start reinventing the sandwich – patty melt, but on multigrain toast instead of rye, with provolone instead of Swiss, with raw onions instead of caramelized ones – you should probably order something else, or stay home.
Order the most expensive thing on the menu
Do you really need the lobster?
Many of us like to dine out with friends or co-workers and at times you may split the bill or even have someone else offer to pick up the tab. It is important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t order the most expensive thing, especially if you know someone else is paying. As someone’s guest, you should follow their lead when ordering. If they insist that you order first, choose something in the medium price range. If you’re the host, or you’re dining alone, this rule doesn’t apply. Get the lobster. Start with some caviar, too, if you like.
Season your food before you taste it
It is considered an insult to the chef to add seasonings to a dish they just prepared to what they believe is perfection. Add to that the fact that your dish may already be overly salty or have too much pepper. By adding more of what’s already in there, you are ruining what was once a tasty meal. Plus, you’ll now have a salt bomb for dinner and you won’t enjoy what you ordered.
Talk with your mouth full
A meal that looks delicious on the plate – and photo-worthy – doesn’t have the same appeal when you put it in your mouth and start chewing. Not only does it end up looking pretty disgusting when it’s been pulverized by your molars and mixed with saliva, but it sounds awful to hear someone talk with a throat and mouth filled with food. Swallow your food before you speak, please.
Do your makeup at the table
Some things should be done in private.
Certain things weren’t meant to be done at the dinner table and that counts for both in your home and when dining out. If you really feel the need to brush up on your mascara or your lipstick while you’re out to eat, hit the restroom. People most likely don’t want to see you putting makeup on while they’re eating.
Pick your teeth at the table
Just like makeup, using a toothpick is something that should be done in the privacy of the restroom. No one wants to see you prying bits of food out of your teeth with little pieces of wood or plastic, especially if they are trying to enjoy their food. If you really can’t wait, hit the lavatory or, at the very least, shield your excavations with your hand.
Nickel and dime the check
It doesn't really matter who got what.
Eating out with friends is something we all may do on occasion and the bill is typically split amongst everyone. Equally. But once you start tallying up every single thing everyone got – your sea bass was $28 and my orange roughy was only $25, or you ate two-thirds of our shared pasta, while I only had one glass of wine to your three – you should probably bow out of dining with friends. You shouldn’t need to figure out what everyone owes right down to the penny. If your friend has the filet mignon and only had a house salad, maybe this makes sense. But nickel-and-diming a friend or a date for a few bucks typically isn’t worth it.
Touch your server
Here's one that's inappropriate everywhere.
You should always keep your hands to yourself no matter what the situation. This really shouldn’t even need saying. Don’t touch your server or anyone else you don’t know or who doesn’t want to be touched. A server is there to do a job, not to have their customers touch them, however innocent it may be. This isn’t just a matter of not groping or grabbing: Even a hand laid lightly on an arm can be offensive. People’s personal space should always be respected.
Stiff your server
In the United States, and many other places, tipping is part of the waitstaff’s salary. They have just put in a decent amount of time catering to you and your party. A tip is something that should be included as part of the dining-out experience. If you can’t afford to leave a tip, you can’t afford to eat out. If the service is bad, and you’re sure it’s the fault of the server and not the kitchen, then you can leave less of a tip, say 10%, but the server probably won’t understand why you left them so little. If your experience was really awful, leave a token tip and then talk to the manager, either before you leave or the next day.
Break up with somebody
Do it someplace else.
Restaurants are the perfect place for many occasions – celebrating a birthday, a promotion, or a reunion with old friends or family. It should never be the place to end your relationship. Sadly, your partnership didn’t work out but it’s never proper to announce your split in a restaurant. It is generally awkward for both the parties involved and the other customers. Pleading voices, sobs, curses, awkward body language…. None of it is anything the rest of the room needs to witness.