Most people love and admire their grandparents, but not every grandparent can reach the status that an Italian grandma has in her family. Don’t let my name and photo fool you. I am Asian-American, but I was adopted and my Nonna was a first-generation Italian immigrant.
She lived in the house behind my parents’ home, so I saw her often and she was integral to my upbringing. She taught me many life lessons and ensured that my life always had a little Italian-American flair, even when it was at its most whitebread American. Let’s look at 20 things you probably remember if you grew up with an Italian nonna.
For this list, most of it was sourced from my personal experience. However, to ensure that I picked the most universal experiences, I looked at the experiences of other people who grew up with an Italian nonna to cross-reference and determine which things were just my nonna and which things were cultural. (To learn more about Italian culture, check out the 25 best old-school Italian restaurants in America.)
Eating Is Not Optional; It’s an Imperative
I do not know a tremendous amount of Italian, but I do know one word and I hear it in my head like some kind of ghost haunting my every move: “Mangia!” or “Eat!” for those who have not had it shouted at them. I have a typically pretty small appetite. It did get bigger after I changed my meds but no matter how much I ate, it was never enough for my nonna. Eating was not something I had a choice in, it was something I was going to do whether I liked it or not. If I’m being honest, I have a very poor ability to tell when I’m full as an adult, likely from eating well past the point at which I was reasonably “full” as a child.
Nonna Is Always the Last One Seated
Nonna is always taking care of everyone. She is cooking, cleaning, and serving, at all times. Thus, she is typically the last person to sit down at a family meal, if she sits at all. When she finally gets a chance to sit down and eat the meal she worked so hard to cook for us, she’s probably only sitting for a few minutes before she inevitably has to get up and help someone. She never stops working for her family. It’s a labor of love and you will accept it even if it makes you feel like the world’s worst grandchild.
Taking Home Leftovers Is Also an Imperative
If Nonna wants you to take food, you do. You don’t say “no” to Nonna when she offers you a to-go container. My Nonna lived very close to me growing up. She lived in the house right behind my parents. So, many days I would just come home to find that Nonna had cooked us dinner. We ended up with food from Nonna often and it was always a treat because that woman could cook. We never had to worry about not having food because if something happened where my parents couldn’t cook, Nonna would have stepped in and made sure we were fat and happy.
Everything Is Blamed On Your Cell Phone
From the moment I received my first smartphone, it became the source of all of my struggles according to Nonna. There was not a complaint I could have had about my life that she would not have blamed on my cell phone. That woman hated cell phones as though they personally harmed her. It was not possible to express a complaint about your life without it being blamed on your cell phone. Headache? Get off your cell phone. Stomachache? Get off your cell phone. Eyes hurt? Cell phone. Neck hurts? Cell phone. No friends? Cell phone. If it could be tied to your cell phone, it was.
You Will Be Asked If You’re Hungry and the Answer Is Yes
The first time Nonna asks you if you’re hungry as a child, you foolishly believe this is a question. It is not a question. The answer is “yes” because this question is an indicator that Nonna is about to feed you and you don’t actually have a say in the matter.
My mother (who married into the family) fondly recalls when she first realized that my Nonna was not asking if she was hungry but informing her that she was about to be fed. My mother tried to politely decline to eat and she was called choice words by my Nonna, which was not something my mother was accustomed to.
“Snack” Is a Synonym for “Meal”
Looking back, I am slightly embarrassed by how demanding me and my cousins were of my Nonna. I know she loved us and didn’t begrudge us for it, but she cooked for us way more than I think most grandmothers do. Whenever we asked for food at her house, it was a whole thing. She was not the type to hand us a bag of chips and tell us to go play. If we asked for food, we were given food.
She did have simple dishes that she made. However, the simplest it went was cheese and pasta. Not exactly macaroni and cheese but rather pasta with melted cheese. We never ate junk food at Nonna’s house. She always made sure we had real food, even if it was simple.
Making Her Throw Away Food Is Probably Not a Fight You Can Win
While many people with Italian grandmas recall a strong resistance to throwing away food, my Nonna was also born in 1928, so she grew up during the Great Depression. She was always careful not to buy food if she didn’t think she could use it. She rarely needed to throw anything away because of this. However, if, for some reason, it was something that might be suggested, it wasn’t going to happen. Wasting food was not an option and if she had to hold you down and shove it in your gullet, she absolutely would.
You Look Too Skinny
I was a pretty skinny child. I was really active, had a small appetite, and my parents were very health-conscious with food. My Nonna would comment on how skinny I was pretty much every time I saw her, which was often. With her having spent many of her formative years during the Great Depression, she wanted nothing more than to see her grandchildren fat and happy and the fact that I sort of struggled to gain weight was endlessly frustrating to her.
You Feel Guilty When You Don’t Make Things from Scratch
My Nonna made everything from scratch. You never ate prepackaged food when you went to her home. I didn’t buy my first prepackaged meatballs until I was at least 25 and I felt a deep, soul-rending guilt about how my Nonna would feel if she knew I wasn’t carrying on her spirit of making food the old-fashioned way.
Being Accused of Eating Too Much Fast Food
To Nonna, nothing can be worse than eating fast food. Any amount is too much. You should bring leftovers for lunch instead of eating at McDonald’s on break. She is onto something. I do feel better when I’m not eating Wendy’s five days a week. Nonna always had a lot to say about fast food and the fact that young people eat way too much of it. I do not recall my Nonna having ever eaten at a fast food joint in my lifetime, and I love that for her.
Everything Is About Her Family
Nonna is the matriarch. As much as her family’s job is to revere her, it is also her job to support her family. Everything she does is for her family in one way or another. She lives and breathes familial love and support into everything she does. Her family is everything to her and she would die to protect it.
While most people think of grandmothers as being pretty family-oriented, Italian nonnas are often at the center of their respective families in a way that many modern grandmothers are not. Growing up, my whole family went to visit my Nonna’s house for dinner every week for years and years.
This woman was cooking for some 20 people weekly. Of course, we appreciated her, thanked her, and loved her back, but I feel like most of my friends’ grandparents took a backseat as they got older, while my Nonna remained an active, regular part of my life until she passed.
She Doesn’t Take BS from Anyone
Italian nonnas may be kind, generous, and loving, but they are not pushovers. Italians as a whole do have a stereotype of being passionate and sanguini (“bloody”) and your Nonna is not an exception. She’s not going to let anyone walk all over her or anyone she loves. If you’re struggling with growing a spine as you get older and gain independence, Nonna has enough spine for both of you.
She Loves Wine
Wine is a crucial staple in the Mediterranean diet, but especially in Italy. Italy is often hailed as the destination for drinking wine and many tourists come every year to sample fine Italian wine. While many people consider wine a treat on special occasions, the Mediterranean diet considers a single glass of wine with dinner as a given. Some Mediterranean airlines give out a complimentary glass of wine with dinner! Nonna would never encourage you to drink to excess, but a glass of wine with dinner is healthy in her opinion.
Soft-Spoken Is Not a Word to Describe Her
Briefly going back to the stereotype of Italians being passionate and sanguini, those traits go hand in hand with being louder than average. Nonnas love you but sometimes that love needs to be tough and rarely will a matriarch of such standing hold her tongue to spare someone’s feelings. Her words are backed by the wisdom of lived experience and she knows when her words matter most. She won’t demand that you listen to her advice, but she’ll tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear.
She’s Worried About Everyone in the Family
Nonna’s role is a tiring one. She loves her family more than anything, and, thus, she worries about everyone constantly. If you see her, she’ll want to know everything going on in your life. She’s present in everyone’s lives at all times. She expects to see you whenever you have time so she can make sure everything is okay and you know you’re loved. Sometimes it’s a thankless job, but it’s one she wouldn’t trade for the world.
She’ll Work Hard Until the Day She Dies
Nonna doesn’t just work hard for her family; she works hard in general. She may be many things, but lazy isn’t one of them. Nonna has the mindset of keeping herself as busy as possible. After all, an idle mind is the devil’s playground. As long as she can still walk unassisted, her home will be spick and span. She’ll work hard in everything she does and never stop learning and improving. In doing so, she gains more knowledge and wisdom that she can pass down to her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
She Has Opinions About Your New Partner (And She Tells You All of Them)
My Nonna was a bit different than most others in this regard. She didn’t marry an Italian man and never pressured us to marry an Italian. However, that didn’t mean she lacked a strong opinion on what makes a partner good for us. While I wouldn’t have called her expectations restrictive or unfair, they were common knowledge and she would ask us important questions every time we got into a relationship. Looking back, I wish I had taken her advice more when I was younger. It could have saved me a lot of heartache.
There Is Always Too Much Food (But Not in Her Opinion)
When Nonna cooks for the family, you should always assume the number of expected servings will be roughly the number of guests times four. So, if four people are coming, expect there to be around 16 people’s worth of food. It won’t go to waste, though, since Nonna will send everyone home with leftovers. Eating at Nonna’s house is typically followed by several days of heating Nonna’s delicious home cooking. After all, you wouldn’t want the love she poured into slaving over a hot stove to go to waste.
She Wants to See Her Family Whenever She Can
Most young people get hounded about seeing their parents and grandparents more often than they maybe want to or have time for. However, Nonna wants to see you as much as she can. She knows her time is limited and she wants to spend as much of it with the people she loves as she can. To younger adults, it might seem a little overbearing, but as you get older, you’ll wish you had more time with her just like she wishes she had more time with you.
She Knows Everything Worth Knowing
Going back to the fact that Nonna worries about everyone in the family and also wants to see them as often as possible, she also knows the hottest gossip. She knows everyone’s business. Now, how much she shares varies between Nonnas. Some Nonnas don’t know how to not share your business, while others retain a sense of confidentiality. However, regardless of whether Nonna shares everything or nothing, you know that every bit of advice she gives you is backed by either her experiences or someone else’s that she knows firsthand from the horse’s mouth. (Want to learn about other cultures? Here is a list of 20 popular Irish slang terms.)