The Clumsiest Criminals in Film History

Low-level hoodlums Carmine and Tony Rosato cook up a plan to kill rival mobster, Frank Pentangeli. During a sit down between Carmine and Pentangeli at a bar, Tony Rosato starts to garrote Pentangeli and yells, “Michael Corleone says hello!” But the murder is interrupted when a bet cop, drawn by Pentangeli’s cries, enters the bar and a shootout ensues. Maybe killing someone in a bar during the day wasn’t the best idea?

Personal trainer Chad Feldheimer thinks he’s found a goldmine in a memoir written by a CIA agent. He and a co-worker, Linda Litzke, decide to sell what they think is secret government info to the Russians. In an effort to get more information, Linda and Chad break into the home of the CIA agent, but Chad is shot dead by Linda’s secret lover.

Chazz, Rex, and Pip play in a Los Angeles hard rock band called “The Lone Rangers.” A misguided attempt to get the band’s demo tape played at a local rock station ends up with the tape destroyed and the station being surrounded by a SWAT team after Chazz pulls out a water pistol filled with hot sauce. In the end the band members are seen playing a concert in prison after being charged with kidnapping, theft, and assault with hot sauce – but their album, “Live in Prison,” goes triple platinum.

Some crooks are just plain lucky. Elvis Presley fanatic Clarence Worley kills his girlfriend’s pimp. After the murder, Alabama, now his wife, and Clarence flee with the pimp’s cocaine haul. In Los Angeles, the couple tries to sell the cocaine but cops and gangsters ambush the deal. Clarence and Alabama escape a shootout and flee to Mexico with the money from the cocaine sale.

Small-time marijuana dealer David Clark brings together a fake family, the Millers, to smuggle drugs across the border to Mexico to pay off a debt to his drug supplier. Along the way, the family’s RV goes off the road and one of the family members is hospitalized. Clark tries to abandon his newfound family, but the group stays together in the witness protection program after the drug deal goes down.