11. Funky Buddha Brewery Maple Bacon Coffee Porter
Pumpkin spice, chocolate, coconut, coffee, cinnamon, chiles, maple syrup… Sometimes it seems as if there’s no food craft brewers won’t toss into their ales, stouts, and porters. Funky Buddha’s Maple Bacon Coffee Porter, released once a year by the Florida-based brewery, seems like it’s trying to put actual breakfast into the suds. If you’re going this route, why stop with just maple bacon and coffee? Why not add eggs and toast, maybe sausage, maybe a couple of Eggos?
12. Kibbles ‘n Bits Bacon & Steak Flavor Dry Dog Food
It has long been established that variety in pet food flavors is meant to appeal to the animals’ owners, not the animals themselves, and it’s not clear that cats and dogs need or appreciate dietary variety. If they did, would dogs like bacon, or even bacon and steak? Could they tell the difference between the two meats? Who knows? They’re not talking. And they’re certainly not ordering Chef’s Choice Bistro Oven Roasted Beef Flavor Kibbles ‘n Bits or Homestyle Meatballs & Pasta Dinner with Real Beef in Tomato Sauce, which are two of the company’s other offerings — are they?
13. Lester’s Fixins Bacon Soda
Lester’s Fixins is a house brand for Rocket Fizz Soda Pop & Candy Shop, a chain with some 90 locations around the country plus one in Canada — and 50 more U.S. outposts in the works. Rocket Fizz, which launched in California in 2008 with the promise to stock some 1,400 different sodas, obviously likes to have fun with its own bottlings. Other Lester’s flavors include sweet corn, peanut butter and jelly, Buffalo wing, and ranch dressing. There are also bacon variations with chocolate and with maple syrup. Sorry, but carbonated bacon doesn’t do it for us. At least Rocket Fizz hasn’t duplicated the Thanksgiving-themed soft drink released in 2009 by another company, Jones Soda: Tofurkey and Gravy Flavor.
14. Mrs. T’s Mini Cheddar Seasoned with Bacon Pierogies
Pierogi are Polish dumplings made of dough stuffed with potato, sauerkraut, ground meat, and/or cheese, or sometimes fruit. Variations are eaten all over Eastern Europe. Bacon actually does figure into the dish in Poland sometimes, as pierogi may be served with melted butter and crumbled bacon. But bacon “seasoning” in a mix of “sharp cheddar cheese and creamy whipped potatoes,” as the package says? Bacon as a flavoring might be a fact of life these days, and is certainly a flavoring, but turning it into a mere seasoning just seems wrong..
15. Prego Italian Sauce Flavored with Bacon & Provolone
The Campbell Soup Co.’s Prego line of Italian-inspired sauces includes such never-in-Italy concoctions as Roasted Garlic Parmesan Alfredo Sauce and Pesto Marinara Italian Sauce, as well as this one, flavored with bacon and provolone. Italians don’t eat bacon, at least not the same kind we do. They eat Pancetta (cured but unsmoked pork belly), or Guanciale, (cured but unsmoked pork jowls or cheeks), and Prosciutto, of course. Any of those would go nicely in tonight’s pasta sauce. Save the bacon for breakfast.